Earlier this month I had the opportunity to share my testimony. Literally he asked, “what’s your story?” It’s funny because the older I get the more I realize we all have a tale to tell. Some of us attempt to live a life of two tales. So what’s my life tale? My tale is I am no longer living a life of two tales all because ” a little over a year ago He(Jesus) became mine”.
In 2014 my heart was shattered. It wasn’t just the end of a relationship that hurt because trust me, “it needed to end”. The pain was from the reality that the image I created was falling apart. My Tale was ending abrutly and I didn’t know who I was. I spent all this time filling voids, hurts, and pains with all things that were never meant to serve that purpose.
Isn’t that interesting? I had spent so much time living a life of two tales that I was struggling with the what’s next in my journey. So one warm day in September to hear the phrase, “I want out.” I could literally hear my heart shatter. We were living a life of two tales but I was more afraid of the repercussions of when everyone found out I was living a lie.
Ok on the surface we appeared happy. We talked about the future: marriage, children, and the whole married life shenanigans. We celebrated holidays together. In fact I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life. I mean we were not perfect but every couple has issues.
Our flaws were balanced out by our love, right? Yet, honestly we had no concept of what it meant to truly love or be loved by someone. We both came from broken homes. We both dealt with displacement in our childhoods. We both dealt with being unwanted.
Before you attack me I know people from broken homes can know true love. Hear me out. He and I were trying to fix our brokenness, ourselves. That’s not possible. Broken people can not fix broken people. We were fallen people living in a fallen world and the only way to repair a fallen people is through the power of redemption from the Savior.
It wasn’t until January 2016 that I’d experience an encounter with Jesus, my Redeemer.
After the break up, I moved back home. Yes we lived together and that’s a total different blog. 🙂
At home I lived in isolation. I sought attention from people, mindless relationships, and validation through work and community service. I cried every day for nearly 6 months. There were days where suicide felt like the solution to my problems. It wasn’t.
The answer, to my pain, was to surrender. I needed to give this place of brokenness to Jesus. It was the perfect place to have an encounter with Him. I needed to submit. Friend, if you are reading this you need to submit. Submission leads to surrendering which leads to Freedom from living a life of two tales.
Towards the end of 2015, after a series of unfortunate events, I wept in my car. God and I were about to meet. I cried out to Him. “God, I’m broken. If you heal my brokenness I’d be made whole. I’d be complete and I’ll serve you for the rest of my life. I’ll go where You say and speak Your truth.”
Friend, you know what. I am pretty sure He heard me.
Have you ever heard the scripture that says “God wants us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us?” (1 Peter 5:7 NLT).
Well, He really cares.
It was a few weeks later, get this, a dying patient shared his heart with me. He, stated in the most beautiful way, his tale with me. He took a tale of blessed assurance and describes in such a way and I instantly know it was something I was missing. In his tale he knows Jesus as His personal Savior. I did not. I did not have a personal Savior.
I needed and wanted to know Jesus desperately. I was hurting. My heart was aching. After leaving the patient I reached out to a friend, (Hey Ashley!) Anyways I reached out to her because she had invited me to her church and I was ready to attend.
During that service I realized I was lost and needed a Savior. I needed Jesus to heal my heart.
You know what?
He did! He knocked on my heart and I received Him.
You know what else?
My life was saved. Each day it gets sweeter and sweeter. I no longer live a life of two tales. I am loved and cherished. I am Redeemed, unashamed, and ready to share my tale of two tales with the world!.